


Link’s Guide to Raising Eight Children Who Are You in Another Lifetime

by Lunar_Tear



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Dad Time, Fluff, It’s more like looking through a window in the fourth wall, Kind of a crossover, Linked Universe, Real-Time Fandub Games - Freeform, don't take this seriously, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunar_Tear/pseuds/Lunar_Tear
Summary: It wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before. Go on a magical and most likely scarring adventure, rescue a princess, defeat a great evil, save the country.What made this time different, were the gremlin children he had to take care of, who also happened to be different versions of himself.(Or, Linked Universe on crack, through the perspective of Time. This is inspired by SnapCube’s Real-Time Fandubs on Youtube. If y’all enjoy this, I might consider adding more chapters.)
Relationships: Four & Hyrule & Legend & Sky & Time & Twilight & Warriors & Wild & Wind (Linked Universe)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 102





	Link’s Guide to Raising Eight Children Who Are You in Another Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> In advance, I’m sorry. Kind of. If you want more, comment a suggestion. This is a side project, Linked Worlds is my main priority, but I’ll add more to this if you readers enjoy it.

It wasn't anything he hadn't done before. Break into an old tomb, fight a bunch of creepy monsters and complete puzzles, defeat a boss and get something magic that would help him on his quest.

What made this time different, was that the entire universe and the very concept of time needed saving, rather than a single country. It was also different due to the fact that, instead of gaining some new ability like cooler time travel, he gained eight problem children that were his to take care of. Two constantly bickered, one tried to set something on fire once a day, one got lost once a day, one slept through everything, including monster attacks, one had constant mood swings (he could never trust if Four would be peacefully reading a book or setting something on fire), one enabled all of the chaos and swore like a sailor, and the single sane kid had a tendency to be overly selfless, to the point of getting absolutely no sleep sometimes.

Add traumatic pasts to each and every one of them, and you have one forest fire and a handful of nightmares per week, and a very tired dad. Did he mention that they all called him dad?

Time sighed. He did not sign up for this.

Then again, he didn't sign up for a lot of things, yet here he was.

He and the problem children were resting in a small inn. It was a peaceful era without a hero, though it must have been a few decades before Twilight's adventure, because he recognized the area and led them to the beginnings of his Kakariko Village.

"Sorry it's cramped, y'all. The Elde Inn is a lot bigger back home."

"At least it's close to where we need to be," Four said.

Wind groaned into his pillow for the fourth time since they got there. Warriors finally gave in and asked what was wrong.

"The inside of that grave reminds me of the Earth Temple. I hate the Earth Temple."

"What's so bad about the Earth Temple?"

"Because! It had redeads! And that stupid fog, and floormasters! Plus, the music was creepy."

The aforementioned grave had been a constant source of monsters for Kakariko. After the heroes got into the graveyard and checked it out, they found a dungeon hiding underneath the stone. They decided to cover up the grave again, and have a night of rest before taking on whatever awaited them.

"It's a good thing you didn't encounter any dead hands," Time said, clearly not thinking about the consequences of his actions.

"Dead hands? What are dead hands?"

'Fuck.'

Time may have acted like the most responsible one there, but in reality, he was just as chaotic as the others. He took great joy in blowing things up, as well as scaring the living daylights out of people. However, he was a responsible leader, very responsible, and he was not going to tell these kids ghost stories about his time in the Shadow Temple the night before they had to take on a similar dungeon.

"Maybe I'll tell you later. Just not now. I don't want to give you nightmares before we have to explore a tomb."

"But Tiiiiiime!"

"No."

"Daaaaaaaad!"

"No."

"Come on, just a little bit? Just one teeny tiny detail? Please?" He put on his best puppy eyes and held his hands close to his chest.

".....I suppose one small detail won't hurt."

"Yes!"

"Nothing spooky, though."

"Okay!"

"Wow, the old man actually agreed to talking about his adventure," Legend snarked. "He's probably gonna say something like, 'It's clothes were red'."

"I bet you 5 rupees that he won't even talk about what it looks like or does," Warriors said with a competitive gleam in his eye.

"10 rupees says he will."

They shook on it. 'Who is my favorite today?' Time asked himself. 'That's who I'll humor.'

In the end, he decided on Warriors, for the sole purpose that it'd be funny to watch Legend hand over 10 rupees to him.

"They're the reason I don't drink well water."

Time was right. It was absolutely hilarious.

When night fell and everyone else was asleep, Time remained awake, sitting against a wall. Twilight and Wild's heads rested on his shoulders, hands clasped together and forming a barricade of arms keeping him from standing. Warriors, Wind, and Four had taken the only bed, Wind basically laying on top of Warriors, while Four was cuddled into his side. Sky, Legend, and Hyrule laid on the threadbare carpet. All of them laid on their sides facing the left, Sky hugging Legend and Legend hugging Hyrule.

Time smiled.

—–—–—–—–—

"Fucking finally!" Wind exclaimed, as Four held the boss key above his head. The song for getting something important played in the background, interrupting what was basically a mix of Time's Shadow Temple and Wind's Earth Temple themes. Four put it in his bag.

"Language, sailor. Hyrule is still innocent," Sky said as Legend covered the traveler's ears.

"Oh, come on."

"It's true, Wind. Have you ever heard him curse?"

"You never curse either."

"Wha- I curse!"

"When?"

"Uh............"

"See?!"

"I'm thinking!"

"Break it up, you two. We have a boss to fight," Time said, gesturing towards the door that would take them to the boss room. It was across a giant chasm, with several small platforms. They had crossed to their current location from the door, using hookshots, clawshots, hover boots (Time hadn't taken them off the entire time they had been in the dungeon, part of the reason why everyone was so eager to leave), spinners, capes, and various other items. At the notion of leaving, everyone quickly got prepared to cross.

'I should wear these more often,' Time thought. 'Hover boots are an excellent tactic to get these boys moving.'

7 minutes, 32 seconds, and 3 heroes nearly falling later, the boss door stood in front of them, waiting to be unlocked.

"Time, please take those off for the boss battle."

"I think I'll leave them on, they helped a lot with my fight in the Shadow Temple."

Several groans echoed throughout the room.

"Let's just go and get this over with," sighed Four. He went to unlock the door, and failed due to the lock being a foot above his head.

"Just throw it, it worked for me on my second adventure."

".....What? How?"

"Probably magic."

"Just let me handle it," said Twilight, taking the key and unlocking the door. The chains fell and the door slid open dramatically, stone grating against stone. The heroes stepped into the darkness, a terrible fate awaiting them.

It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before. A large circular room, pillars decorating the walls and pots placed between them.

What made this time different, were the shadows moving away from the corners and gathering into a dark mass in the middle of the room. A terrible laughter started up, a sound that Time hadn't heard in years. The laugh soon morphed into something entirely different.

Needless to say, he wasn't expecting the dark void to have a coughing fit.

"A-are you alright? You good? Do you need a lozenge?" Sky asked the darkness.

"Oh my goddess, who the fuck is that?" Wind asked as the shadows became more and more humanoid.

"Just let him have- just give him a second to clear his throat," Hyrule said.

Coughing became menacing laughter once more, and a fully formed figure stepped out of the final wisps of shadows.

"Welcome to Tilted Towers." Time stared in disbelief as his shadow spoke.

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Memphis Tennessee, and I am part lizard."

"What the fuck?" Wild whispered.

Time died inside.


End file.
